Disability Dish: Look in the mirror

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What do I like/love about my body? This is huge and so not simple forme to write about. It took many, many years for me to own that there are thingsI do like about my body. First, I’d like to share a little more about me. I am48 years young, recently married to the love of my life, and I grew up withjuvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA.) I contracted JRA when I was three and gotthe most aggressive kind, where it ravaged every joint, made my young body lookold, with small fingers, short arms and an uneven gait; I’m also bionic withknee and hip replacements. As a kid, teen and young adult, my parents trekkedme to tons of doctors, where they poked, prodded, examined, stared at, pricked,x-rayed, medicated and splinted me to make me hurt less. All this was done tomy body, and often, the focus was on the joint/parts that were most inflamed. Awrist this week, a hip next year. Living with arthritis can feel like aroller coaster. I learned to disappear. I went into my head a lot and forgot mybody. I wanted to escape the pain and stares.

In my early twenties, I found a good therapist, discovered alcohol and broke out of my shyness with men. A late bloomer with dating (another column),I think all of this contributed to re-discovering my body. You have to look atyour body before you know what you like about it, right? I had never looked ina full-length mirror. I wore loose-fitting clothes, used little make-up andrarely brushed my curls. I wanted to portray that laid-back, hippie bohemianlook. Who was I kidding? I don’t think I pulled it off.
I often wondered: How did I come to accept, see and like my body? Bodyself-acceptance is a process for all of us, but a little more complex for adisabled woman. Liking and accepting my body has been a zig-zag journey, and itis ongoing. I’m still in it. Something began to shift for me when I came out ofmy shell with men; having that exterior validation helped. Another experiencethat helped me see was when I posed nude at 42 for my Raw Beauty photography show. Face it -- women have it hard with media-driven superficial standards ofbeauty. Even the average able-bodied women are screwed. No one looks likesupermodels…not even supermodels!
But over time, I stood alone, and my need for the external validation lessened. I only saw what I didn’t like and always compared myself to others. Icouldn’t see the stuff that wasn’t so terrible and uniquely me. In my latethirties, I took the plunge, looked and really saw. I joke to Robert, myadorable husband, that God gave us a broken body, so it seemed just that hewould bless us with some so-called “perfect” exterior features. Yes, this isgoing to sound superficial and Robert does love me for my mind/soul, but when Ilook in the mirror, this is what I see now and feel grateful for. I love my...

*Round butt, more perfect than geometry.
*My brown curls, bouncy, non-kinky, the kind women would pay a lot of money for.
*My big eyes, green like emeralds.
*My full pink lips.
Don’t get me wrong; there are days I am so frustrated with my body that I can’t stand it, when I hurt a lot or it’s hard to walk or get into the car.Or I’m having a bad hair day! All of this is part of my whole, my good, bad andugly -- perfectly, imperfect me. What do you see when you look in the mirror?What do you like?
--By Shelly

[Photos via We Heart It]